I've managed to blow my $5.2k bankroll to $3.6k playing $100 and $200 nl he hu. I'm pretty sure if I keep playing I'm going to bust my account because I feel no motivation to play my A game anymore. I'm cashing out and calling it quits for now. I'll probably just play free roll MTT for fun.
Overall, I've made over $15k playing poker for about 2 years. I feel that I've overachieved actually because I started out playing 0.50/$1 limit holdem with a $200 bank roll and gradually moved to nl he. I've been able to beat $25, $50, and $100 nl he sh but have failed at $200 nl he sh and HU play.
It's so sickening that I'm actually going to quit poker indefinitely. I'm sure I'll be back playing online in the future when the US government decides to regulate online poker so that it is easier for the average American to deposit/withdrawal.
I just need to focus on my life right now. I still volunteer at my school with research (U of M TC) and work full time at a Group Home for Adults with Mental Illness. I plan on attending Grad School in Fall 2008 and earn a Masters in Psychology so that I can practice therapy. I also need to get back in shape and live a more active/healthier lifestyle.
I'm sure I'll be a happier person because I won't have to deal with the variance of poker anymore. Plus, my parents and brothers don't actually support me playing poker. They think that I am wasting my time and money. It would be nice to have their support but it is not necessary because it is ultimately up to me if I play or not. I don't share with them how much I've made or lost because it would blow their minds. They don't want to hear that I swing hundreds and even thousands daily.
I really admire the players who can lose 10-plus buyins and still play their A game. Poker is a very tough game and it's all about personal management. If you can't play within your bankroll and manage tilt, you will never be a winning player. This game is so sick and addicting, I love it but I will have to walk away.
I'll read and respond when I feel I can help. I really hope all of you accomplish all your poker/life goals. Some of you guys are very dedicated and I'm sure some of you will be playing higher and higher stakes eventually.
Good Luck,
AppleSeed
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8 comments:
Sad post here!
Seems a shame to walk away, just because you have advanced to a level that you don't feel you can beat (for now, anyway).
By all means keep you life in balance, and don't neglect your activities and responsibilities outside of poker.
But, if you are planning to return to school, I am sure that you could use a regular income of a few hundred dollars per month, that you can surely grind out at $50 or $100NL?
Good luck, anyway!
I do agree with you that poker is really tough. It takes a lot to handle the ups and downs. I think almost everyone can understand your feelings.
On the other side of things, poker really isn't everything. I think whatever you want to do in life is most important.
Good luck friend.
Neb
robracing,
I'm just not in the mental state to play right now. I also need to get a better balance in life because I am neglecting other parts of my life.
Like I said, if it becomes easier to deposit/withdrawal in the future. I'll be back and grind micros. I could easily grind micros and probably make $10/hour 6 tabling. I just feel like I can't right now.
My A game has gone down the toilet and I will probably bust if I keep on playing because I would feel like i'm chasing my losses even though i'm up big overall.
I'm not sure this is such a sad post though. I'm just telling the truth and it would be sad if I kept on playing and busted my account. It would make my brothers/parents word true that poker is a degen game. (Their values easily rub off on me as your brothers/parents do on you too). I respect their opinions and yours too.
I do think this game is very profitable if your mind is up to it, mine is not right now.
Neb,
My longterm goals with my education/life is def more important.
Poker is a game I love and will probably never quit it even though I plan to quit playing for now.
I probably won't play seriously until next year or so because I'm seriously burnt out on this game.
I once read a article online that only 5-10% of online players are profitable in the long run. Just feel lucky if your part of that group because lots of players lose in this game that we all love.
I was able to be a winner because I followed a strict bankroll strategy and didn't play too long. I probably seriously tilted like 3 times over those 2 years which is why I was profitable.
Sincerely,
AppleSeed
All,
Don't worry about about me. I'll be fine.
Best of luck to you. Self awareness is a great poker asset, but it's also really important in your general life, and it seems like you have it. If you do not plan to be a pro, I think that it's really important to keep poker and the rest of your life in balance (which I don't always do myself, TBH). The very qualities that make a lot of the dedicated poker players good can also lead them (us?) to overbalance poker, IMO.
If you're a pro, I'm sure the problems are different, but the time and energy you put into the game is also your career, and so it becomes a lot more acceptable, or even desirable, to dedicate yourself to the game, log the playing hours, etc.
Good luck from this point on Appleseed. I think you should put $1.5K away in a new bank account and not touch it. Then that can be the basis of a new bankroll if you ever come back to play seriously. Then take the other $2k and blow it. Let off some steam. Spend it on clothes, CDs, DVDs, computer stuff, booze, cheap women, expensive women, multiple women, whatever you want.
In all seriousness, I think you've made an excellent decision to quit completely. If things aren't happening then it's better to do that than keep playing at random times and gettign frustrated/stressed. I really would put as much as you want to into a new account so you do have a bankroll if you ever come back. And, if I were you, I would definitely take some money to spend immediately. You've worked hard over the last 2 years to become a good player - you now deserve to reward yourself with some of the money you've made.
Best wishes.
marc,
thanks for the kind comments. I've gotten a mountain bike and have begun riding it around the local lakes.
I'm also looking into different grad schools and preparing to take the GRE's.
good luck,
AppleSeed
Dodgyken,
thanks for the tips.
I've gotten a mountain bike for my sister and I. I'm going to pay off some student loans. Help my brothers buy some back to school clothes, and give him some spending money for his study abroad trip in Asia (Japan, China, Thailand and Vietnam) this semester.
I'll put the rest in my ING Direct Account and hopefully redeposit in the future to play seriously again.
I'm going to get about $100 in rakeback and i'll play micros with that for fun.
I still have 2 $26 tokens at FTP. If i get lucky, I'll have a nice working bankroll again.
good luck,
AppleSeed
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